Joke For The Day

This was sent by one of my friend, find it so funny....so here goes

Subject: Banking joke

Let me share a joke with you first. Here it goes.....

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly
there's a knock on the glass

"Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?"

"Apa?"

"Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini ada
satu Chimpeng..."

"Soli-lah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?"

"Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..."

"Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa? Along ka?"

"Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu
Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng.."

Adoi... buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank

CIMB Bank was formerly known as Bumiputra Commerce Bank, and before that it was known as Bank Bumiputra Bhd. Bank Bumiputra was set up by the late Tun Razak about 30 years ago. 30 years later, his son Nazir took over the bank and decided to fully "Malaysianise" it and share it with other races in Malaysia and rename the bank CIMB Bank which stand for CINA INDIA MELAYU BANK. Make sense, isn't it!

p/s: They cannot put the "M" (Melayu) in front because it will end up as MICB Bank and Samy Velu objected to it as he wanted to reserve the name for his own bank later. :-)

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Crime Watch

Subject: Crime Watch - must read

Someone shared the following cases through an email received by The Mighty Pen website. (1) Today I passed by a building which has an ATM machine. There was an old man looking at me. Suddenly, he called me. He said he didn’t know how to read, so he gave me his ATM card and asked me to help him withdraw money from the ATM machine. I answered ‘NO! If you need help, ask the security to help you.’ Then he said ‘never mind…’ and continued to find other people to help him… REMEMBER: ATM machines have CCTVs. If you help him he will later claim that you have robbed him or stolen his ATM card. Besides, his ATM card could be a stolen one. So please be careful of these tactics. (2) Suddenly your house lights go off. From your window you find that your neighbours still have their lights. So you go out of your house to check the Meter Box. But once you open the door, a knife will be pointing at you and preventing you from closing it. This is when you will be robbed and injured. REMEMBER: Even though your electricity suddenly goes off, DO NOT open your door immediately. Look around to see if there is anything unusual or if there is any noise around. (3) This is another incident. You may have heard about it before; it is about a lady who saw a kid crying by the roadside. When she spoke to the kid, the kid told her he was lost and wanted her to take him home. The kid even gave her a paper with his house address. So she took him home. But when she rang the door bell, she had an electric shock. Later when she woke up, she was naked in an empty room. REMEMBER: Being such a compassionate and helpful person might not be a good thing these days. Girls, please be careful. DON’T BE TOO KIND! (4) One day, there was an old lady outside my house holding two packets of sweets. At first I thought she was our neighbour and wanted to give us these packs of sweets as a gift. But then when she spoke, I realise that she was foreigner. I could not understand what she was talking about. I guessed she must be asking for money. I sensed there was something wrong and immediately closed the door and ignored her. Later, I found she and an accomplice robbed someone else down the road. (5) I was at the ATM machine to withdraw some money. Behind me, there was an old lady. She asked me whether I was able to withdraw my money because she said she had problem with the machine. Suddenly a small girl came up beside me. The small girl was tugging and squeezing in front of me. I thought she was just naughty and playful. But then, the small girl placed her hand inside the tray of the ATM machine where the money was being dispensed out; ready to take away my money. I sensed something wrong and immediately pushed her away. Later I realised that the small girl and the old lady worked hand in hand together. She was trying to steal my money while the old lady was trying to distract my attention by asking me questions! REMEMBER: BE VERY CAREFUL when you are at an ATM machine and be alert. Look out for anyone suspicious around you! (6) My parents are retired and stay at home most days. One afternoon, a young stranger went to their house and said his motorcycle had no more fuel and the petrol station was too far away, for him to push his bike there. So he asked my parents for an empty coke bottle to buy some petrol. He said he will pay RM2 for the bottle. So my mum gave one coke bottle to him. He really took out the money from his pocket, but it was a RM 100 note. He told my mum he had no small change and asked my mum to give him the change. Luckily my mum was smart. She just told him to take it for free. REMEMBER: obviously that note is fake! Who would want to pay for RM2 for an empty coke bottle! It’s very OBVIOUS that that stranger was a trickster. (7) This happened in Bali . A newly married couple was having their honeymoon at the hotel. When both were in the changing room, the wife suddenly went missing. The husband was very anxious and went around finding her. He asked the hotel staff to help him find her. Then he thought his wife was just playing hide and seek. So he went back and waited for his wife. After a few hours, he decided to call the police. Three weeks passed and there was still no news about his missing wife. So he went back and was very disappointed and sad. A few years later, he came back to Bali , to watch a ‘FREAK SHOW’ in an old house. He saw a dirty and rusty metal cage. Inside there was a lady without limbs. Her body including the face was full of scars. When he had a closer look at her face, he was shocked to find out that she was his missing wife caged there and used for begging. (8) This happened in Shanghai . A few years ago, a lady reported to the police that her cousin sister was missing in the shopping complex. But after five years, one of her friends found her cousin sister begging at the road side on one of the streets in Bangkok , Thailand . The worst thing was that her cousin sister had no more limbs and her body was tied to a lamp post with a shackle (metal chain). (9) Let’s just shorten this story. DO NOT open your house door when you hear the sound of a BABY CRYING! It might be a trap! Women in the house must be alert to this form of trick. The police said it is the work of a robber or murderer using the recording of a crying baby to attract your attention. This normally happens at night and when you are alone in the house. (10) I read an email that was sent by my friend. Her friend, known as A, went to Luo Hu Commercial City with 2 friends, B and C. Luo Hu Commercial City is known as the Shenzhen counterfeit goods distribution center. There are many people there. It’s also near to the Shenzhen train station and Hong Kong ’s Luo Hu Port. C went to the toilet at the shopping centre while A and B waited outside. After waiting for a long, time they felt uneasy and went into the toilet to look for her. When they went in, there was nobody inside. Both were scared and they called C’s phone. There was no reply. So they reported to the police. The police asked them whether they had seen anybody suspicious going into the toilet. Both said there was none and it’s impossible to bring a person out of the toilet without them noticing! Then A remembered seeing a cleaner pushing a trolley in, and then coming out of the toilet. The police told them that were not the first time such a thing happened there. The police suspected a gang of criminals who were always attacking women in the the toilets of shopping complexes. They use cleaners to kidnap people to harvest their organs for sale. REMEMBER: please be careful when using the toilet. Do not go to the wash room or toilet ALONE! Please at least have a partner with you.

(11) This happened in Klang , Malaysia . This afternoon (14/04/2009), while waiting for my husband in front of the bank ( MBB, Jalan Taiping, Klang), I saw a Malay lady bending down to throw some RM1.00 notes behind the tyre of a car parked in front of mine. After throwing the notes, she knocked the car's window to tell him that he has dropped some money. Right after that, a man came knocking on my window, also telling me that I have dropped something. Fortunately, I was not conned by them because I have witnessed what that Malay lady was doing. They came in a group of 4 (1 lady and 3 guys whom all look like foreigners; like the Arabian/ Moroccan type).They will rob you once you open your car door to check.

Humour For The Day

Porsche & the Singaporean lawyer‏

This is a good one....typical singaporean...lol

A very successful Singaporean lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop might try to make it new again.

His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before ,was now completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said.
'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.

The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'

'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer.

'MY ROLEX!!!'

Phone Scam

Another one that came thru the mail. Ladies beware!!!

FW: Subject: Phone Scam

I cannot stop myself from sharing this with all of you.

Its all started when I received a call from someone claimed that he was Maxis asking me to shutdown phone for 2 hours for 3G update to take place. As I was rushing for a meeting, I did not question any shutdown my cell phone.

After 45 minutes I felt very suspicious since the caller did not even introduce his name. I quickly turned on back my cell phone back and I received several numbers of call; few numbers from my family members and the other numbers was from the number that call me before; 3954380.

I called my parents and I was shocked that they sounded very worry asking me whether I am safe. My parents told me that they received a call from someone claimed that they have me with them and asking for money to let me free. The call was so real and my parents even heard my voice crying out loud asking for help. My parent was at the bank waiting for next call to proceed for money transfer.. I told my parents that I am safe and asking them to lodge a police report..

Right after that I received again call from the guy asking me to shutdown my cell phone for another 1 hour which this time I refused to do so and hung up. They keep calling my cell phone until the battery run down.

I myself lodge a police report and was informed by the officer that this kind of scam always reported. MOST of the cases reported that the victim already transferred the money! And it is impossible to get back the money. Bank can only returned back the money if the owners of the account agree to do so or there is a court order.

Guys, be careful that this kind of scam might happened to any of us!!! Those guys are so professional and very convincing during calls. If you asked to shutdown your cell phone for updates by the service provider, ASK AROUND! Your friend should receive the same call.

Any Customer Service should introduce their NAME AT THE BEGINNING of the call. Ignore them if you don't get a name at the beginning of the call. If you received instructions from unrecognized number/person that you are not sure, make your own judgment. The BEST is DO NOT RESPONSE.

If you cannot pickup your loved one's call, DO GIVE A CALLBACK immediately! Update your loved one with ALTERNATE CONTACT wherever you are. If you think you are SMART that you cannot be cheated, You are wrong! Be Safe and Stay Alert!

I Believe In God

Another one that came thru email.

************************************************************

Do You Believe This???

A girl went to her friends house and she
ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone.

She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived
only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the bike trail
Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided
to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man
standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly acomforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her,
she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reachedthe end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper
that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty
minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young
woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line-up to see if she could
identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she
had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was
anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, 'Because she wasn't
alone.

She had two tall men walking on either side of her.

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're not alone.
People will not stand up for God..

Send this if you truly believe in God....

PS: God is always
there in your heart and loves you no matter what:

'If you deny me in
front of your friends, I shall deny you in front of my Father'

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He Deserved To Be Praised.

It's one of those days that I feel so blessed. I know I've been lamenting that I lacked true friends who are really sincere when you need some kind of support.

Looking back, I know my meeting with this friend altho not for long in way was not an accident. In God's kingdom, nothing is an accident, everything has its purpose.

I believe everything is going to turn far better than what I've expected. Over the years, I learnt never to depend on 'humans' but to trust the Lord, cos I know humans will always fail us. Yet, there are humans that God will use to bless others and I've found one such person. I'm so thankful to You , O Lord and for all the lessons I've learnt along the way.